You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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