I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
