five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
