i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
