p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
