No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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