Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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