I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
