wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
