I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
