if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize