One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Everything about him screamed your future.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
