i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
