I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
