I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
