Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There's always time for handjobs
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
