There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
