never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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