Just fell off a train. Bad.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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