if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
