im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
