i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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