i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
