Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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