hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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