I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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