I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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