My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
