My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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