If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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