i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize