The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
