I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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