oh god the rape fog is back!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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