We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
