I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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