Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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