I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
