no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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