you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
