dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
