Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
