THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
