don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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