So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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