I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
