i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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