She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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