I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
