Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
