the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
