I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
