You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize