I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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