I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed š
Couldāve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another manās cock... but there it is...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Some sorority went āDick or Treatingā at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize