I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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