I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
