k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize