Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
