did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
