Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
