I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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