did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
