Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
