he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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