shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
