Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize