The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
