on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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