That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
