No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
