i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
