cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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