Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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