i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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