You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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