this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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