i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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