I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
