What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
