this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
