On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Operation Purity has been aborted
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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