we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize