There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just want nice things and good sex
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
