We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
