whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
