I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
