im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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