I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
