Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
