The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
