Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
