Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
