i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
