I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
