no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
