I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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