Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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