so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Drake has all the answers
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
