pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize