i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize