my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
