new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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