All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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