Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you didnt know i had herpes?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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