I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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