YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
