And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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