as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
this is an emotional support booty call
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
