I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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