My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My feet surprised me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
