yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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