There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
