The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
