My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
