what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
