the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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