SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
