Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
