I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
