I accidentally had phone sex last night
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
