billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize