i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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